It’s been a long year. Although it flew by, my first nine months at Master’s was packed full. From tests, to art work with the roommate, to late-night runs to Diddy Reese, and learning how to right MFRs for ROTC, I was barely ever without something to do and always responsible for my own decisions.
Having been back home for a little over a month, I think I can say that I very much like being back in Ohio. The green, the open roads, friendly waves from strangers, and long talks with old friends. Life back here is so different from California. I don’t have to plan something every evening nor am I constantly being yelled at by a long-haired Korean.
The hardest part about being home is that I feel as if I have a lacking of accountability. Regrettably, my devotions are not as consistent or as deep as they are at school. My prayers come more in spurts. I haven’t shared the gospel even once since I’ve been back outside of the Sunday School classroom. More and more I feel nearly like I’m going through the motions without any passion, fire, or willingness.
These things ought not to be! My God at TMC is my God here in Ohio. His love is no less amazing and neither is His grace. He still is working in my circumstances to sanctify me and He is still interceding for me when I fall into sin. He is the God of creation, the Sovereign over this house, and He is still the Lord of my heart. If I can encourage my spiritual brothers towards greater love for Him when I am at college, what would hinder me from encouraging my blood relations when I am at home? Praise God for His incredible mercy that He does not condemn me for my lack of faithfulness.
I long that this would be my attitude
GOD OF MY END,
It is my greatest, noblest, pleasure to be acquainted with thee and with my rational, immortal soul;
It is sweet and entertaining to look into my being when all my powers and passions are united and engaged in pursuit of thee, when my soul longs and passionately breathes after conformity to thee and the full enjoyment of thee;
No hours pass away with so much pleasure as those spent in communion with thee and with my heart.
O how desirable, how profitable to the Christian life is a spirit of holy watchfulness and godly jealousy over myself, when my soul is afraid of nothing except grieving and offending thee, the blessed God, my Father and friend, whom I then love and long to please, rather than be happy in myself!
Knowing, as I do, that this is the pious temper, worthy of the highest ambition, and closest pursuit of intelligent creatures and holy Christians, may my joy derive from glorifying and delighting thee.
I long to fill all my time for thee, whether at home or in the way; to place all my concerns in thy hands; to be entirely at thy disposal, having no will or interest of my own.
Help me to live to thee for ever, to make thee my last and only end, so that I may never more in one instance love my sinful self.
